Day 2

So I am in the process of reading, which kills me. I love to read, but with two kids under the age of five, I feel totally guilty with my head in a book. SO I stay up late and my youngest gets me up early. But I have so much info I want to digest before we get our first child. The two libraries in my general vacinity have very few books on foster care. The first one I read was by Kathy Harrison called One Small Boat. Loved it. She is a true pro and tells it like it is. I am going to have to find her first book. Then I read Richard Miniter's The THings I Want most-which ripped my heart out and prompted this blog. He and his wife ventured into foster care on a whim to help. They got a nightmare but stuck with it. I was so inspired because if anyone had the right to give up, they did- and they almost did. Having raised 6 kids of their own, they hung in there and the kids made it. Granted, he didn't turn into "a perfectly normal kid," but that isn't the point. The point is to love the unloveable. And love did change their child slowly but surely. Aren't we all works in progress. Doesn't God put up with our slow change being patient, slow to anger. Love never fails, least that's what God says if we want to believe Him.

So last night I perused a book written about the system in the 80's. They tell you all the screwed up things people did to the kids. I found it so counter productive. I need current info about what is going on now. I guess it is good to see how things have improved- or not. I think the organization we are going to use really has it togother. They have really high numbers on kids not returning into the system, not going to jail, graduating, etc. So I really need books on the nitty gritty day to day management of a foster home. I want to be inspired by people who hang in there and love a child at his worst like Harrison and Miniter. I guess this is where those blogs by moms of 47 kids help too.

So is there anyone out there who is at the beginning like me??

Getting Started

I have been looking at foster blogs for a few weeks. Most of these people are serious pros- 12 plus kids, seen it and heard it all. So far I haven't read about other people who are just getting started in the foster care universe. Nobody I know fosters. I have read enough to know what I am going to hear from family and others when the news breaks. I figure if I start writing my thoughts, maybe I would find a community who understands.

I titled my blog Bold Love. I stole that from Dan Allender. Great writer. Over the years, I have been led to similar books: Sacred Marraige, Sacred Parenting, the Cost of Discipleship, Grace Based Parenting, etc. There is a theme here: bold love. Jesus loves boldly. I am so drawn to this love. It doesn't matter what anyone says or does, the Lord still loves them. Bill Maher hates God and people who believe in God. Jesus should just scratch him off the list, but He won't. He loves boldly. Ted Haggard decieved the church for years and made the body of Christ, once again, look like a bunch of lying hypocrites. God should give up on Ted and move on, but He won't. He loves bodly.

I don't love boldly. I love immaturely. I love God because He first loved me. And so I expect everyone else in the world to love me that way. Right! That is never going to happen. I love with an imperfect love. I don't think I have scratched the surface of understanding how He loves. So that brings me to today. I think He is going to show me how He loves. In theory, it is easy to say Jesus loves the sinner and has called us to love as He loves. In reality, instead of living through the Spirit to love as He loves, I live in the flesh and love as I love- selfishly and immaturely. I think God is calling me to a different love. He is calling me to love boldly and He is going to use children who are unloveable, who do not return love for love, children who have behaved so badly, most people think they can't be loved. He is going to give me an tiny, tiny inkling of what He endures overwhelmingly- rejected love.

So here I go- off to love others as He loves us. No small task, but looking forward to the opportunity He has placed before me to answer the call.